I am 33 years old, married at the age of 21, and now have two children, a son and a daughter.It seems very happy, but recently our family has changed a lot. In fact, it was not sudden, it gradually went downhill a few years ago......In order to repent, let me first talk about my past behavior.When I was in school, I pursued a lot of boys because of my outstanding appearance, and when I went to college, I was more free and often lived with my boyfriend. I also had my first abortion experience, and I can't remember the situation at that time.
When I first started working, I was only 18 years old, and that time I had a miscarriage on medicine, and I remember very well, the doctor asked me to go to the toilet and wait. After a few tens of minutes of great pain, I saw a fluffy white ball in a basin, and just like that, I brutally killed my child.
But I didn't know how to repent, let alone restrain my actions. After that, I had the same abortion, about 4 to 5 abortions, and I can't remember it clearly.
I only remember the last time it was with me now Father, we didn't go through the marriage procedures at that time, and after knowing that I was pregnant, I was very hesitant, in fact, I could have kept the baby at that time.It seems that it has been more than 3 months since I went to the hospital, and on the operating table, my baby and I have experienced hellish pain, The baby was really cut out a thousand times, the doctor put him on an iron plate, his arms and legs were in a row, torn apart, and put together a small human figure, very cruel, very terrifying....I will never forget that scene.In my married life, I did not be a good wife and mother, but my habits were even worse, and I didn't even feel ashamed of my XY behavior, and I thought I was very good and very arrogant. Therefore, natural and man-made disasters occurred in just a few years.At that time, I met a boy who liked me very much, and I myself was like a possession, I couldn't control my behavior at all, and I forgot everything.But finally my husband discovered that I was completely worse than death during that period, and my husband questioned me every day, because he was very persistent with me, and I accompanied him through the most difficult times, and he thought I was very kind and simple. Such a blow was unacceptable to him.So I began to be tortured verbally and mentally, and when I couldn't stand it, I tried to commit suicide, often thinking about how I should die. Even I can't believe how I ended up like this.At the same time, my husband could not come out of the shadow of pain, and like a demon, he did irreparable wrong things. He scratched the boy's face, causing serious injuries. Spent more than 9 months in prison.During my husband's time in prison, I had to endure all kinds of pressure, and it was also at this time that I gradually woke up and came into contact with traditional culture through this marriage. My husband, because of this experience, has changed a lot and recognizes my learning of traditional culture.But the good times did not last long, in these three years, My husband constantly has XY behavior. And more and more selfish, the good roots of the past seem to be hidden, and a completely different person.After I took my eldest son back from a trip to the Holy Land this year, My husband said he had brought a girl home to live. He didn't hide it from me, so he told me the actual situation.At that time, I was silent and did not speak or shed tears, because I knew in my heart that I had reached the point where I could not change anything, but I still had complaints and hatred in my heart, so I was very arrogant in my attitude and very tired of his bad karma.In this way, he still brings a girl to live at home every now and then, because They I often came back in the middle of the night, when my son and I were already asleep, and when I sent my son to school in the morning, they hadn't gotten up yet.With the door closed, the child doesn't know that there is anyone else at home. So it seems that they find it very convenient, and this situation continues to this day.At first, I could hardly treat my worries and thoughts, only a wall away, and I often had insomnia in the middle of the night. I remember one time, when I heard them come back, after closing the door, I got up and lit 7 lamps for them because I couldn't sleep.Now that I have studied traditional culture, I know that what I am enduring now has nothing to do with others, but is the retribution of my past bad karma. I used XY, so he's XY now. We have all had abortions in the past, so they are not ashamed at all when they create evil karma now, as if they are possessed by demons.The girl was only a teenager, smoked and drank. Knowing that he is a married man, knowing that our family is here, he still goes his own way.May my experience serve as a little inspiration to people today that what we do now is what we will bear in the future.Don't have an abortion no matter what, no matter how difficult this life is, you can get through it, you must not give up a life for your own situation, after all, the human body is too rare. 
