【Confession and submission] The 30-year-old girl’s repentance of sexual misconduct

Avoid sex 2020-08-05 10:56

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The disciple is a 30-year-old girl who was trapped at home during the outbreak of the epidemic this year during the extended holiday of the Chinese New Year because she felt "idle and bored" and kept watching it through the previous one. QQ My friend paid for the colored comics, so I broke the vow several times at home. After that, the disciple was mentally abnormal and suddenly felt that his work pressure was high and his problems were full of problems. At the worst, he couldn't eat for several days. He lay on the bed and thought about his work problems repeatedly while trying to quit or commit suicide.

So from2Mid-month to late June，Because of these problems, the disciples even had the desire for adultery suppressed by the strong thought of suicide. The precepts have not been broken in the past few months. Then I found two kind mother-in-laws, one who helped me burn eggs (a folk technique similar to a folk technique called soul), and the other who helped me pray in front of Buddhas and Bodhisattvas.

nearly6In the middle of the month，The disciple vomited a lot, and then he felt relieved and recovered miraculously. Recently, I wanted to take advantage of my experience of quitting sex for more than 80 days (I feel that my body and mind are relaxed and happy than ever before, and this kind of pleasure is SY An incomparable pleasure, SY It is a temporary pleasure, and then it will be a huge damage to the body and mind) systematically reflect and repent yourself SY However, due to the improper content of the article, it involves some of the past self SY The overly exposed details led to a small breaking of the rules that night when he was half asleep and half awake. (Breaking the precepts is also breaking the precepts, but it is a little lighter than the previous method, but just as fantasy is also breaking the precepts, you cannot be neglected) So I stopped writing articles again.

Until recently around July 25, the day before the disciple's period, he suddenly felt his desire rise. Because before and after the disciple's menstruation, due to the past mental demons during the period, not only was the most violent desire for sexual desire, but the desire to eat meat was also very fierce. Therefore, the precepts were broken twice in July, which made the disciple very frightened and afraid that the disciple's life would return to the bad situation after breaking the precepts in February, because every time after breaking the precepts, something unsatisfactory or worse will happen. This is the true and true cause and effect.

So I would like to first call on the articles about repentance like the seniors on the website of Abstinence. Sy Don’t describe the details too much or too detailed, because writing these contents means you recall the plot from your brain again. If your will is not firm enough, for example, I often break the precepts at night.

This time, the 80-day quitting sex is the highest record for disciples. I feel that I am innocent and light, and my desire to eat meat has also been significantly reduced. Although I have not met the requirement of vegetarian food, my desire to enjoy meat is significantly reduced compared to before.

However, the two breaking of the precepts since July still made the disciples alert and regained a sense of guilt and did not dare to take it lightly. After all, the disciples hope that their life will not be contaminated with sexual misconduct from now on. They must clear them even once and firmly be determined to vow to the precepts in front of Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. SY Determination. Therefore, through self-analysis, I want to use my real personal experience to tell you how evil lust slowly destroy a person step by step, so as to warn normal people to be far away from evil lust, the better. People who are addicted to evil lust should quickly make up for their firm confidence, cherish their healthy body and mind, and gain a full life.

3-12Year stage

Children's primary school stage。Since I was about 3 years old, I remembered that I had sex without a teacher. I pretended to be a toy doll and went to elementary school to learn TV dramas. I pretended to be a boy and a guy and a guy who was the same-sex boy, and I took off all my life in the pond, regardless of gender.

There are also many pornographic articles in the book "Legends of the Ancient and Modern" borrowed by my mother. Sometimes I like to touch my body and organs. This age stage has no concept of "sex" and has no ability to distinguish. It often does it secretly while adults are not at home or before going to bed at night.

Although there is no consciousness of "sin", the consequences of sin, that is, actions, are still very obvious. I am personally shy since I was a child. Once I go to the podium, or get answered questions by the teacher, or talk to strangers or the opposite sex, I will naturally feel shy, blushing, my heartbeats, and speaking in a low voice. But parents think this is a sign of "honestness". For mathematics, especially in the third grade, and when I changed to another teacher I didn’t like, I was obviously unable to understand more complex equations and had poor math grades.

Therefore, parents with children should pay special attention to the enlightenment stage of their children, especially now that their children are exposed to the wider methods of pornography transmission. "Precise puberty" is also a serious problem at the moment. As parents of children, adults have the ability to distinguish good and evil, and should set an example and correctly guide the "sex education" of children at this stage.

13-15Year stage

Junior high school stage。I don't have any impression of this age SY The behavior, but the fantasy is serious, because when you enter junior high school, you will come into contact with many new people and things. Especially because of my good English scores, three handsome transfer students came to the class in different semesters. The head teacher arranged for me to sit with them, always chatting with them in class, and had a clear impression of them. Later, I felt uncomfortable when I didn't arrange to sit together.

In the second year of junior high school, my cousin transferred to our high school department due to illness. Because of his handsome appearance, he attracted a lot of attention. He and his classmates boasted about the fantasy words "Brother loves me very much." In fact, I, who lives under the same roof, don't even dare to say more to him.

Moreover, this age is particularly rebellious. Although his liberal arts scores are OK, his math, physics and chemistry scores are ridiculously poor. He likes to play with some problematic boys and girls, such as boys and girls who are fighting or dating. The more teachers and parents stop the behavior, the more they have to do it.

16-17Year stage

High school stage。Due to poor grades in the middle school entrance examination, and the disciple's family is also facing an economic crisis at this time (the disciple's family also caused many problems due to sexual misconduct, and the disciple will repent for them in another article), various factors have led to the disciple's reluctance to study in the vocational high school that the disciple is very reluctant to study, because the disciple's key classes in elementary and junior high schools, and the junior high school entrance examination score is more than 450, and the grade ranking is more than 100.

But my mother believed that I would not go to college after taking this grade to take the general college entrance examination. At first, the disciple did not understand the difference between vocational high school and general high school. He thought that he could take the college entrance examination and followed his mother's wishes. Until one or two months of study, my disciple found that vocational high schools could not learn useful knowledge at all, and it might be more difficult to take the college entrance examination than a general high school student. So I went home and made a big fuss, but at this time my mother became even more irritable because she helped her father pay off her debts. She beat me up and I had to study in vocational high school in despair.

When I was about to graduate, I was inexplicably saying to a trash boy, "You must have a relationship before you are 18 years old." As a result, the boy began to pursue me. I agreed to the first time that the opposite sex pursued me. During the summer vacation, he invited me to play at his house. I used my need to rest and sleep to lure him into having sex with me. I thought it didn't matter in my heart, and it seemed that I couldn't feel the pain at all. Fortunately, a text message from a friend stopped me at the last step. The consequence of this was that although I got into college, my math scores were still poor, and I only got 18 points.

I could have chosen the best junior college in the range, but in the end I chose the worst one by mistake. Because this college originally required the applicants to have physical examinations in advance, the disciple was not qualified. Later, the disciple's family found a hospital connection and finally ran into this college.

18-19Year stage

College stage。Why is this college the worst? Because my disciple later learned that although this college is a college, there is another five-year transfer class that is directly studied in the class included in our Vocational High School. Moreover, during college, my disciples played drums with a roommate who had temperament and talent, could be called a soul mate.

Two times she introduced two boyfriends to me, one worked in an oil company, and one was a second-generation military service. I threw myself into my arms twice. Fortunately, the other party stopped me and went to the hometown association with her twice. One of them was forced to kiss her and touched her. The other time she was staying in the same room with a boy. I could roughly imagine what would happen later, but I was not afraid. In the end, my roommate said that he had a talk with their boss and let us go.

Therefore, the above led to a psychotic outbreak of my disciple at the age of 18. At this stage of mental illness. The disciple has experienced many strange things, which cannot be explained by science. However, when he came into contact with Buddhism, he roughly understood that it was because he took inferior weight loss pills, which caused him to vomit and unable to sleep, which triggered the disciple's heart to actually want to read Pu Gao's mind. Finally, the mental illness miraculously recovered while seeing a doctor taking medicine. The disciple clearly felt that he had grown up, and the knot of despair and depression in the past when choosing to choose to study Pu Gao or Vocational High School.

However, this situation only lasted for a year. Because my disciple who loved reading after he was 19 years old came into contact with the novels of color through a bookstore. At first, he didn't know that it was a novel of color, because the title of the book looked no different from ordinary romance novels. When I first read it, my heart beat, thinking, "Why not do it as you do it once?" It was still in broad daylight. Later, my grandmother discovered me in the quilt and stopped me (I think back now that my grandmother may be a Bodhisattva). Unfortunately, I did as I did at night, and later I went through the Internet. QQ Reading and other readings have discovered various novels, modern romance, time travel and rebirth, domineering president, and immortal cultivation. Completely addicted to it.

There are more and more sexual intercourses, and when you have strong desires, you will also be able to do it once a night, or during menstruation. The consequences also follow. In fact, when you start committing sexual intercourse for the first time, you will be worried about all kinds of things that are inexplicably impossible. However, when you start committing sexual intercourse, this symptoms are very mild.

along with SY The number of times is increasing, and this symptom is getting worse and worse. Other symptoms are not hygienic. I have basically every one of the 100 reasons to quit sexual misconduct, but because I was completely addicted to it at that time. SY The pleasure of SY In conjunction, the most serious thing is the recurrence of mental illness, staying in bed, unable to get up in the morning, skipping classes, crying in pain because of recalling the past, wanting to commit suicide, and buying a small knife, and scratching the left wrist a few times. It hurts so I gave up.

Others are actively looking for jobs, but I complained about the poor school, and my parents complained about why I asked me to go to vocational high school at that time (well, I forgot to mention that this is the second time I want to commit suicide, the first time was when I was 12 years old. ) But this is also because I am mentally ill, so it is not associated with sexual misconduct.

20-21Year stage

Working phase。In fact, after graduating from college at the age of 19 to July 2010, I rested at home for a year. This may be the most painful year in my life. I basically quarreled with my parents during the day, complaining about why my parents asked me to go to vocational high school at the beginning, and lying in bed and crying at night. SY， All I thought about in my mind was that if I was studying at Pu Gao, my grandfather who supported me studying at Pu Gao would not have died when I was about to graduate from Vocational High School, and I didn’t see me going to college.

Later, my mother felt that I could not be closed and was out of touch with this society, so she asked me to interview some hotels. KTV The salary of cashier jobs is very low. Later, perhaps my disciples still had some blessings and passed the civil service exam through family relationships and their own efforts. But I still couldn't understand SY The harm is that it is just that a job that is relatively easy to have a salary and benefits, and the mood has improved, but SY It's still intermittent, because a 30-year-old colleague also likes to read this kind of novel, so when she goes to work, she reads this kind of novel she downloads on her computer.

At the worst, when there is no one during the day, you will also SY。 The consequences are reflected in poor interpersonal relationships. They obviously do the same thing and say the same thing as others, but their leaders and colleagues just don't like me. They want to transfer me to the countryside twice, and their colleagues exclude and despise me because of this, but they still don't understand that this is. SY As a result, you will cry at night because of these things SY。

22-30stage

Working phase。22When I was in 2012, my disciples met some good people and good books. Because this good man reads Buddhist scriptures and Bibles. So my disciples also invited some Buddhist scriptures and Bibles. I read all the time until "If you keep lustful, after hundreds of thousands of kalpas, it's just called Hot Sand." I suddenly realized that my life was caused by evil lust, and the blessings were poor, which led to mental illness and all kinds of unsatisfactory. Therefore, the disciples piously vow to the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. SY， Start reciting some precepts SY spell. At the same time, all the channels of mischievous books that the disciples know are deleted.

12I felt that my life had gained a lot and my wisdom had increased. In other words, my mind felt like I had become clearer and clearer than before, and my writing style increased significantly. I started to want to contribute, and my work was relatively smooth, and I could basically get along with my colleagues around me. But after recovering, I began to be complacent and felt as if I was quitting. SY After success, I began to fall into the disguised bad habits caused by the inner demons.

Going into crazy Taobao shopping, you have to satisfy your material things and spend a lot of time and money searching for more beautiful bags, clothes, shoes, and skirts. I also have to be satisfied spiritually, I have bought a lot of books and made many Buddhist scriptures. But I didn't have time to read it at all, so I turned around and searched for the next book, bought it and put it in the cabinet covered with dust.

My mind is filled with the illusion of "I am improving", and in fact I began to satisfy what I already have, I was unwilling to move forward, and I was unwilling to continue to study hard. So after breaking the precepts for the first time, I quickly repent, and the second and third times followed, I chose to ignore it later... At the same time, I remember that I wanted to insist on eating vegetarian food, but during the period of time when I was vegetarian, I felt that eating vegetarian food was so sacred. When I saw others eating meat, I felt that others were committing crimes.

So I failed in the first time I had the chance to be transferred back to my hometown in 2014. After failing the first exam, I recited the scriptures while SY I had a ghost dream for a while and felt that it was difficult for me to even speak. Later, I told fortunes and burned eggs with this mother-in-law, which finally resolved. However, after this failure, the disciple insisted on reflecting for a while and devoted himself to the study of preparing for the next exam.

At the same time, I came into contact with some Buddhist scriptures that translate classical Chinese into modern vernacular Chinese, and I felt that I could better understand the mystery, but Taobao shopping has not stopped. After persisting for a while, I have been in the process of silence. SY There is still no interruption, but the number of times has decreased, once or twice a month. At the same time, because the disciple brought the scriptures to the workplace to read, the leaders and colleagues were talking behind their backs. The disciple felt that there were many doubts about Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, so the time for chanting scriptures and chanting mantras was reduced. Moreover, the disciple began to see the forum on precepts and sex. SY To destroy a person's blessings, you can accumulate blessings by releasing animals and helping print scriptures.

As the doubts and work pressure on Buddhist scriptures are getting greater and greater, they are increasingly excluded by colleagues. During menstruation (because I believe that chanting scriptures and chanting mantras during menstruation is a contamination) and being unfair and mean to have disputes with colleagues, it is the peak period for disciples to break the precepts. Every time, the disciples always have emotional impacts. SY Later, they will spend money to release animals, help print scriptures, and donate to public welfare platforms to offset the guilt.

Although releasing animals and helping print scriptures is a great good thing, I also recommend that capable fellow practitioners can continue to do all kinds of good deeds, but the disciples are a bit arrogant and think that they have done so many good things, occasionally once or twice. SY It should be allowed by Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, and the blessings accumulated by doing so many good things should be a lot of.

Occasionally, once or twice is harmless, which also leads to the disciples being dissatisfied with watching erotic novels from time to time, and they also pay to recharge members to watch erotic videos and erotic comics. So during the second exam, I failed with confidence. I really have to believe that there is supervision from ghosts and gods. When I filled in the answer sheet, I wrote the answer incorrectly. But I knew in my heart that this was because I did not completely quit. SY The consequences caused.

Until this year, if it weren't for the explosion mentioned at the beginning of this article, I might still be thinking about controlling the evil lust when I have the strongest desire. At the same time, I can only stay in the current place when I accept my fate, and maybe I will never be transferred back to my hometown in the exam. Therefore, my disciples did not regard this outbreak as negative, but were grateful and finally awakened.

Although the disciples occasionally feel that the biggest regret of being mentally ill is that they cannot form a healthy family and have their own children, they think it is good to study alone. If they abstain from sexual misconduct, this may be a good opportunity for disciples to practice.I want to reduce this sin, do my best to return to my hometown and start to devote myself to a new round of life.

In the next article, the disciple will continue to repent because the disciple's family is also because SY Many bad things have happened, and all evil lust is the leader. Vicious lust is indeed harmful but not beneficial. It will destroy our hearts in a slow way, and it will not be able to talk about building a beautiful and happy life. I also hope that all those who read this article will, as I said at the beginning, warn normal people to be far away from adultery, the better. People who are addicted to adultery should quickly make up for their determination to abstain from adultery, and to be firmly confident of repeated failures, cherish their healthy body and mind, and gain a full life.

END

girl repent Evil lust

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【Confession and submission] The 30-year-old girl’s repentance of sexual misconduct

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