Why are you prone to getting angry with your loved ones

Tibetan Buddhism Buddhism 2022-08-16 23:59

Reason 1: We sometimes don’t realize that we have too high expectations for our loved ones.

Compared with relatives, we are often more patient with "others" and are less likely to get angry. Because we assume that "others" do not understand us, we need to gain the understanding and cooperation of "others". But when facing our family, our patience is limited, because we think our family should know the one who best and supports us.

Generally speaking, the closer people are, the more mutual understanding and support each other. But in fact, family members cannot reach a full understanding of everything point-to-point with us. This is unrealistic, and we ourselves cannot understand and support our relatives' needs and ideas at all times.

But once something happens, we often think: "It's fine if others don't understand me, why don't you understand me? It's fine if others don't know how to cooperate and support me, why don't you understand?" The more you think about it, the more angry you will be. It's all because we expect too much from our family and sometimes we don't realize it.

Reason 2: We feel more pressure when facing the requirements and expectations of our loved ones.

Compared with irrelevant people, we feel more pressure when facing the demands and expectations put forward by our relatives. This is because we care more about them in our hearts and we don’t want them to be unhappy. So when we realize the expectations of our loved ones, if we can’t do it, we will risk making them unhappy.

If he is unhappy, we won't be happy either, it's like when things start to happen, we booked the results. We must devote ourselves to it without regard to success, only success is allowed not failure! Therefore, our desire to succeed is more urgent, and the pressure generated is greater.

Moreover, these pressures are often gradually increasing and accumulating one by one. Just looking at one of these things may not be so desperate. But when the last straw is pressed on, we may burst out immediately, which is an instantaneous excessive pressure.

But in the eyes of our family, we seem to be angry about what is happening now, so that our family will not understand our behavior even more. The family’s incomprehension will make it impossible for them to communicate more deeply with us, so the problem is still not solved. Instead, the deeper and deeper we accumulate, and the more frequent we will explode, a vicious cycle.

Reason 3: When facing relatives, we are often presumptuous.

In the family, especially among close families, it is a relatively safe and inclusive environment. Sometimes, we suffer grievances or under some pressure outside, and we have no way to vent, so we have to go home to vent our vent.

This is the presumptuousness we treat our family, just like a child facing his mother, which is a very normal thing. But it is worrying that often this catharsis is achieved through non-order communication. Under pressure, we often forget how to speak well. During the catharsis, we use language to mock, distort, exaggerate, belittle, obscene, and so on to our family.

In the end, our pressure was released to a certain extent, but it caused harm to our family. If family members rebound our harm, family conflicts will intensify. The good family atmosphere is ruined by our unrestrainedness.

Reason 4: When facing relatives, we sometimes fall into single-level thinking.

Single-level thinking means that we set a goal for ourselves without considering the actual situation, and we will achieve it regardless of everything. We will not give up until we realize it, and we will be entangled in this goal, and we will fall into a dead end where we cannot be happy without realization. Single-level thinking makes us impose our subjective ideas on ourselves or others.

This kind of thinking often brings great harm to ourselves and our families. For example, in a relationship, one party will ask the other party to say "I love you!" The other party says, what are you saying, it's so stingy. Then the former tried his best to say the latter, and then he started to virtually say that he loved me? Doesn’t he love me? In the end, the more he thought about it, the more he felt sad, and this caused a phenomenon of self-harm.

In severe cases, he may lose his temper and cause conflicts with the other party. This is why he is injured. But the fact may be that the latter loves him very much, but because of his growing up environment, he doesn't like this way of expressing love. In fact, we may think about it from a different perspective. We know that our partner doesn’t like this expression, but we still force him to say this and let him do things he doesn’t like to do.

Then do we really love him? If we really love him, we will respect his expression, and our behavior actually proves that we do not love him enough!

Improvement method:

During the communication process with relatives, pay attention to avoid omitted communication. If you encounter depressed things, tell the whole story. Even if your family cannot help, it will increase the mutual understanding between the family in the long run, and your depression will be alleviated to a certain extent.

Relatives

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Why are you prone to getting angry with your loved ones

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Time: 2020-03-15